What's that you say? A Deep Fried Mars Bar. Oh yes, my friend, anything is possible in the world of deep fat frying. This originated in Scotland, long known for their advanced improvised culinary devices responsible for so many casualties, but I think that this goes far beyond the scope of a conventional culinay weapon and is somewhat leaning towards a WMD.

A deep-fried Mars bar consists of an ordinary Mars bar dipped in the batter usually used for preparing fish. This is then fried in the same deep fat fryer as the chip shop's usual fare (including fish, chips, black and white pudding, sausage, and often haggis). Doing this successfully poses the fry-man something of a delicate challenge - if the Mars bar gets too hot it will melt, and the whole assemblage will disintegrate, contaminating the fryer with an inappropriate chocolate flavor. For this reason the Mars bar is typically chilled, but this too leads to problems, as an overly cold bar can also disintegrate (in this case from stresses imposed upon it by the differences in internal temperature when it is plunged into the boiling oil).

Its existence may help account for the fact that parts of Scotland have the highest incidence of heart disease, cancer and strokes, the worst teeth and the lowest life expectancy in the developed world.

OK, look-it, I'll vouch for the flavor of a Scotch Egg having eaten a few myself, but for the love of God people, isn't the scotch egg enough of a threat by itself? I think that the velvet glove is off of the iron fist here. What is it going to take to stop this madness? Must I surrender? OK, Scotland, I surrender:

I have authority to treat on the subject of peace. I will state that I am equally desirous for peace with yourself, and the whole Flavor Lab entertains the same feeling. The terms upon which peace can be had are well understood. By Scotland laying down their deep-fried Mars Bars, they would hasten that most desirable event, save thousands of human lives, and hundreds of millions of property not yet destroyed. In return we shall surrender and lay down our arms and test tubes.

Seriously hoping that all our difficulties may be settled without the loss of another life, I subscribe myself, etc.,

Ion Farmer
Defeated Flavor Lab Technician

Dr Brown's Cel-Ray Soda. It's Celery! It's Soda! It's usually located on a dusty shelf in the grocery store next to other strange sodas from around the world. I liked this combo on my first bout with it, but I like the flavor of celery anyway. The thing about it is that it's flavor didn't hold up over time for me. I think that a six pack of this stuff was more than enough for my life time, but somehow I'm still strangely compelled.

How so you ask?

I am wondering what it would be like to oven roast some poultry using this stuff to baste with. Celery flavor, citric acid to tenderize, sugar to carmelize? Like I said, strange, but not altogether out of the question. If I get my jiggets up to do this, I'll post later.

How cool is a stout flavored ice cream? I don't know as of yet but man I'm going to find out. Stout flavored ice cream they say? With a shot of swirled chocolate cream, they say? Man, oh, man! This has the techs here at Flavor Lab going crazy to get some R&D time with this stunning invention!

Of course, this isn't a new idea. . . Amy's in Austin has beer flavored ice creams as well including Guinness and Shiner Bock! Also The Harp in Cleveland has a Guinness Ice Cream Sunday served with Guinness and Bailey's ice creams with hot fudge and caramel.

I'm glad the Executive Technical Officer at Flavor Labs brought this to our attention, and we'll be processing the data as soon as possible.